The Hobbit Movie: Spoiler-Free Review

Here's something you might not often hear from a Lord of the Rings fan: Elves bore the hell out of me. I'm not talking the elves of the First and Second Ages, actual red-blooded bastards like Fëanor who destroyed himself and his entire line in pursuit of three sparkly gems, or his fellows who disobeyed their benevolent Valar overlords to forge a way to Middle Earth and committed lots of murder in the process. Those were the interesting elves, the ones who actually wanted stuff in the world and made mistakes, even committed crimes over those desires.

( Complain, complain, complain. Also, The Hobbit. )