ljwrites | (Reply)

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Thank you for your kind words! You hit on a part of Finn's background and psyche that I think hasn't been touched on much in the canon or the fandom. There has been criticism that we don't get to see enough of this side of him, the cult survivor in recovery.

The internal battle betwee FN-2187 and Finn is a possible aspect of that dual personality, and I've interpreted his aborted departure to the Outer Rim as his attempt to flee the killer as well. Another story where you can use this frame is his learned helplessness in the face of the First Order threat, which can also be seen as his cult personality. At Maz's castle he speaks with absolute certainty of the FO's final victory with an insider's conviction. This was what he's had drilled into him since he was a small child, after all.

This total about-face would also explain why Rey was so upset and concerned. She had not known Finn for long, but in that short time he had left a deep impression: He was a brilliant, brave, caring guy who helped her through a Stormtrooper assault and fought back alongside her. He was resourceful and never gave up, even coming up with the idea of reversing her repairs to deliberately release poison gas when they were boarded. No wonder his story of being a Resistance fighter worked so well, he fit the bill perfectly. (Which, you know, if more Stormtroopers defected, imagine what an amazing boost it would be for the Resistance. Just saying.)

And then suddenly he's speaking with this scary certainty of the First Order's triumph, of hopelessness and despair instead of his earlier boundless, can-do spirit? It was more than his words being disturbing, though they were; it was like he had morphed into a completely different person before her eyes, and she was as confused as she was devastated.

I'm very sorry to hear about your experience with dehumanization, too. I hope you are in a safer and better place now.