L.J. Writes

Yeah it's definitely not a healthy situation and it's been going on for 10+ years, too. I've been in limbo for so long, going through the motions and making something of a career and living while not pushing full-steam ahead like people at my stage are expected to. Having a baby has definitely not helped lol, but I don't regret it.

The problem may solve itself by sheer foot-dragging, since the work I get now will drop off if I don't progress along the expected career path and people realize I'm not getting anywhere. I both dread and hope for that to happen. I guess I'm trying to find a safe landing, doing other things that are more suited (like the publishing and translation stuff) and increasing my earnings from those while still making a living from academic work while I can. This ambiguity has been soul-killing and I very much wish I'd had the courage to seek my own path rather than let myself be pushed along a "safe" road I had doubts about. :/ No sense in regretting the past, though, gotta move forward from where I am.