I remember reading an article about how YA sells the idea of abusive guys, specifically white guys, as romantic prospects to girls--think Twilight. It's not just YA but absolutely rampant in media and culture, of course, from "He only teases you because he likes you" to abduction as romance (YT link). I think it has a lot to do with toxic masculinity, too, as in if he's not violent and controlling on some level he's not considered a man, you know? Unless he's outside the accepted dominant group, of course, in which case a gesture as innocuous as taking a girl's hand to save her life or asking if she has a boyfriend are interpreted as violent sexual harassment (/Finn's treatment in SW fandom).

And there's so much else that follows from that, like the fantasy of being that special girl who turns a bad guy good and the idea that you are the exception to his shitty treatment of others because he lurves you and and and. As they say, there's a lot to unpack here but let's throw away the whole suitcase.