I have seen people say about Kylo Ren [...] that he is "femme-coded" and his detractors are mysoginistic.

That... is one helluva take. Even by Star Wars Hot Take standards. o_O

Also I'd bet anything it's lifted whole-cloth and unexamined from the same argument that used to get made about MCU Loki (where it at least has some mythological underpinnings, so it's not just like "lawlz long hair, long robe-dress-coat = femme!" or whatever). >_