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Tell, Don't Show? AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO CARES
After finishing Deep Space Nine and marveling at the story (not that my progress on the reviews in any way reflects that), I heard from fairladyz2005 about the "relaunch" books that continue the story. Since they were on Kobo Store I figured hey, why not. I bought Twist of Faith, which collects several of the DS9 continuation novels including Avatar books 1 and 2 and Demons of Air and Darkness.
I am on Chapter 13 of 20 in the first book of Avatar, so I'd say I'm a bit more than halfway through. The story and characterization are good, but the writing is irritating me so much it's impeding my ability to continue.
Specifically, my issue is that the author S.D. Perry is violating probably the most cardinal rule of storytelling--show, don't tell. The sample chapters weren't so bad, or at least they were bearable, but after buying the book and reading through thirteen chapters of "(character) was an (adjective) and (adjective) person" I am ready to scream. Who cares how many adjectives you can stick on a character? Convince me she is impressive, awe-inspiring or what-have-you. I don't need to be told what to think.
On a related note, far too much of the narration consists of essays inside the characters' heads. The strength of DS9, or indeed any show, is in engaging dialogue and interactions, that is the expression of the characters' inner worlds in the external world they live in. The novel has the additional luxury of being able to delve into the characters' heads, but it's really an abuse of the form for the character to think and think and THINK without anything interesting happening.
For instance (vaguely plot-related, but so vaguely I don't think it's a spoiler): You don't have a character sit around thinking about how guilty she feels that she let this latest setback happen. That is not a story. If you want to tell a story, you show how that guilt drives her to turn on those around her, except she feels worse and not better for it. You show her overcompensating with a self-punishing schedule until her friends intervene. You write about the people who care about her telling her how she couldn't have possibly prevented the tragedy and how some things are simply outside her control. You show her anger and pain at their words not because they are wrong but because they are right: The only thing worse than the gnawing shame of failure is the terror of knowing these awful things happen and you have no control over them. Then you show the character either learning to let go of her need for control and therefore her guilt, or show her doubling down and pushing away the people around her in order to hold onto the illusion that she can keep bad things from happening.
My example might not be the best possible story, but it is at least a story. It has character issues, character interactions, and character development. It is about the character as a living being in her world alongside the people around her, not about her thinking really hard about stuff.
I mean, imagine DS9 were a show in which characters in the original show sat around talking about what a capable and charismatic commander Sisko is, or editorializing at length about the exact feelings they have about the events happening around them. The show would have sunk faster than a ship past the event horizon. That's not because "tell, don't show" makes for a bad television show, but because it makes for a bad story. Or, at the extreme, no story at all.
It's not like Perry doesn't know how to describe things--her action scenes and descriptive passages are actually well-written. But as soon as it comes to actual emotions it's like a firewall comes down and characters aren't allowed to do anything except moan about having ALL DEM FEEEELZ.
This is my first foray into franchise fiction and frankly it's likely to be my last if they all read like this. Avatar so far comes across like middling-quality fan fiction and certainly not professional fiction. It was even more surreal when I looked up reader reviews and realized no one else felt the way I did. Maybe it's because franchise fiction is expected to be fanfic, maybe because people don't read them for the writing. I certainly didn't go into it expecting Moby Dick either, but I did want a show as brilliant as DS9 to have a fitting novel counterpart in its official continuation. So far, at least, Avatar is not it.
I am on Chapter 13 of 20 in the first book of Avatar, so I'd say I'm a bit more than halfway through. The story and characterization are good, but the writing is irritating me so much it's impeding my ability to continue.
Specifically, my issue is that the author S.D. Perry is violating probably the most cardinal rule of storytelling--show, don't tell. The sample chapters weren't so bad, or at least they were bearable, but after buying the book and reading through thirteen chapters of "(character) was an (adjective) and (adjective) person" I am ready to scream. Who cares how many adjectives you can stick on a character? Convince me she is impressive, awe-inspiring or what-have-you. I don't need to be told what to think.
On a related note, far too much of the narration consists of essays inside the characters' heads. The strength of DS9, or indeed any show, is in engaging dialogue and interactions, that is the expression of the characters' inner worlds in the external world they live in. The novel has the additional luxury of being able to delve into the characters' heads, but it's really an abuse of the form for the character to think and think and THINK without anything interesting happening.
For instance (vaguely plot-related, but so vaguely I don't think it's a spoiler): You don't have a character sit around thinking about how guilty she feels that she let this latest setback happen. That is not a story. If you want to tell a story, you show how that guilt drives her to turn on those around her, except she feels worse and not better for it. You show her overcompensating with a self-punishing schedule until her friends intervene. You write about the people who care about her telling her how she couldn't have possibly prevented the tragedy and how some things are simply outside her control. You show her anger and pain at their words not because they are wrong but because they are right: The only thing worse than the gnawing shame of failure is the terror of knowing these awful things happen and you have no control over them. Then you show the character either learning to let go of her need for control and therefore her guilt, or show her doubling down and pushing away the people around her in order to hold onto the illusion that she can keep bad things from happening.
My example might not be the best possible story, but it is at least a story. It has character issues, character interactions, and character development. It is about the character as a living being in her world alongside the people around her, not about her thinking really hard about stuff.
I mean, imagine DS9 were a show in which characters in the original show sat around talking about what a capable and charismatic commander Sisko is, or editorializing at length about the exact feelings they have about the events happening around them. The show would have sunk faster than a ship past the event horizon. That's not because "tell, don't show" makes for a bad television show, but because it makes for a bad story. Or, at the extreme, no story at all.
It's not like Perry doesn't know how to describe things--her action scenes and descriptive passages are actually well-written. But as soon as it comes to actual emotions it's like a firewall comes down and characters aren't allowed to do anything except moan about having ALL DEM FEEEELZ.
This is my first foray into franchise fiction and frankly it's likely to be my last if they all read like this. Avatar so far comes across like middling-quality fan fiction and certainly not professional fiction. It was even more surreal when I looked up reader reviews and realized no one else felt the way I did. Maybe it's because franchise fiction is expected to be fanfic, maybe because people don't read them for the writing. I certainly didn't go into it expecting Moby Dick either, but I did want a show as brilliant as DS9 to have a fitting novel counterpart in its official continuation. So far, at least, Avatar is not it.